What the Dalai Lama Told Me About His Enemies That Will Cause You to Rethink Your Relationships

Many years ago, I received an invitation to travel to Dharamsala, India, the seat of Tibet’s government in exile, to meet His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

The group I represented at the time was to be interviewed to see whether or not we would have the opportunity to co-facilitate three week-long meetings with the Dalai Lama and other world leaders, to discuss how to solve the world’s most pressing problems.

Naturally, I said “Yes!”

Everyone knew that for over 40 years, the Chinese government had been actively working to destroy Tibetan culture

Since fleeing his homeland at the age of 14, His Holiness the Dalai Lama has been traveling the world, campaigning for a free Tibet.

After hearing the Dalai Lama speak to a large stadium full of people a few years earlier, and in reading his many books about love, compassion and kindness, I was struck by how there was never any anger or bitterness in his message.

I dreamt of being able to sit with His Holiness the Dalai Lama and asking him one single question…

I wanted to know how, after all that he and his people had endured for decades, how there seemed to be no anger, resentment or bitterness in him.

When I met with him in Dharamsala, India, I had the opportunity to ask him this very question.

His answer revealed a profound truth, and a life-changing spiritual practice, that literally changed my life and has the power to help you shift your perspective on some of your most challenging relationships.

Discover the answer the Dalai Lama gave me, and how it can help free you from bitterness and resentment, in my full article on Success.com.

Categories: Mindset, Success

Comments (24)

  • Ruth Ann Dobbin

    Strength and not to give up

  • christine

    My sacred friend thought me to find what true forgiveness was and that was the only way to find true Peace with myself

  • My neighour is a ‘sacred friend’ in the same sense that the Chinese Govt is to the Dalai Lama. She never misses an opportunity to condemn me to anyone who knows me or has ever met me. She is a teacher in a small community- and as such flagrantly diregards any professional judgement or consideration of ethics. This has been going on for 5 years.

  • Hi there,

    Thank you this is great and so relevant. I have been dealing with a family situation which I have felt is very unfair,causing me much pain and resentment towards my sister.
    She is a very negative person and deeply manipulative.
    But – I know I have grown a great deal through this experience and have gained strength, love and confidence. Basically I know am becoming a much bigger person so however it seems it is serving me well…

  • I had and still have a lot of anger towards my ex-wife. It ended very badly. What I have learnt from this experience is it taught me what kind of person I really what to meet, and not to settle.

    It taught me it’s better to wait and find true love than to just be with someone because it’s better than being alone.

  • Frances O'Dowd

    I worked for a few years on a one to one with a woman who was my boss…in a sly way she undermined me and made my working life very difficult. ..after a while I felt myself being very nervous around her and my anxiety levels grew ….she has retired now but I still think of that time and resent the fact that I allowed her to have such an influence on me … i have a new boss a lovely fair person ..

  • Thanks for this video i have learnt a lot because i have this bitterness in my heart for some friends who i helped a lot more than i have helped my family turned out that they were gossiping about me that i am a show off and that is why i do what i do i try to forgive them but it is hard.

  • Thank you so much for this video on sacred friends , I so loved it and understand it, and gained so much from it. I had always looked at hard relationships as tough teachers to learn from but this gave me such a deeper learning and love,compassion and expansion of my life journey with my sacred friends! Thank you namaste ?

  • Donna Morhain

    Yes, this is a POWERFUL message. I have a particular “sacred friend” who is in my life, and since he is the father of my children, will most likely always be in my life. I love that I can “evolve” my heart to love bigger than the pain my sacred friend has caused me, and release the bitterness and pain. Thank you for the word. It is a word of hope.

  • Yes, I have a few sacred friends and when I ask that question, I see that they have helped me expand my heart in love and compassion. No matter how cruel, mean and abusive they may be, I’ve learned that it is not because of me. They are on their own path of growth and I can forgive what they say and do because I know if they truly knew better, they would do better.

  • Try to work harder and see more positive things people do. Letting go of bitterness.Saying things that are more positive. Makes you feel better and stronger inside.

  • That was interesting Dalai Lama is one very special human being, I wish I had his strength, my sacred friend although I don’t feel like she is a friend is my ex wife.

    Thank you for sharing your experience of your interview with the Dalai Lama Mary you are both very great people and I feel blessed to have you in my life.

    many thanks and
    Kind Regards

  • suzanne lindsay

    so holy and loving God give me the grace to
    SEE the forgiveness and strength to uncover
    the pain and release it for me as His Holiness

  • I think what is going on in our country is my sacred friend. It is getting clearer every day that we have lost our ability to listen to each other regardless of ideology. I am learning to step back and drop my thinking about the rightness or wrongness of a person and look for love

  • kenneth chukwunweike oshagwu

    Hi Mary, your video was timely, I have a sacred friend in my uncle who doubles as my dad. I know deep down, he is not who he pretends to be, always looking for a way to put my brother and I down. I feel so hurt, that I want to see him suffer. He is very much a part of my life, and I would love a situation where he would feel hurt knowing that whatever evil he has been doing, my brother and I are happy, just like the tibetans. Is there any special prayer, maybe meditation one does to keep a positive and a happy mood despite all the provocations.

  • Love the Dalai Lama. Always wise words come from His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He has the gift of profound love and respect from countless people around the globe, which keeps his equilibrium constant. I think it is all about balance and gaining your equilibrium after a blow. You need to be restored by love and community. Many of us don’t have that experience and it can take longer or make it more difficult to move on, forgive, and love thy enemy; even if you have love in your heart and a purpose to fulfill.

  • Wow! Thank you, Mary. This video came on just the right day. Today, I am having a meeting with one of my sacred friends, and I didn’t know how to approach it! You are a Godsend.

  • Thank YOu! I needed this one today! Even though I hold no resentment for my life situation right now, my husband does and can not let it go or move forward. Therefore I find myself resentful of his attitude and this resentment makes me less than what I want to be.

  • Thank you Mary. Whow amazing a difficult one but it can be work on by becoming mindful of the residue resentment we often carry in the unconscious. .Blessings to you for sharing.

  • Oh just perfect timing Mary. I love you for this – thank you so much. My discernment is improving every day, but to know that they are actually bringing me something is just wonderful. Illuminates situations I’m in right now xx

  • Definitely Dalai Lama is a amazing person of our time. I’m an Indian and being a political science student and a teacher, know very well about Tibet political history. Dalai Lama is spiritual ambassador of Buddhism and Buddhism is not mealy a religion but a natural way of life. Buddhism is a tool to curb inequality,method of anger management and science of raw love.
    Sorry I have expressed a little bit lot. I’m highly impressed with your article and highly appreciated. thanks for sharing.

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