3 Powerful Steps You Can Follow to Release Pain, Anger or Resentment from the Past, and Move into a Happier, Freer and More Joy-Filled Future
Before I was a transformational life coach, I was a counseling psychologist for many years.
After counseling many individuals and couples from a psychological framework, I learned that most of us tend to rehearse the pain of our pasts over and over again, hoping that if we relive it enough, it will go away.
But in truth, facing pain from the past in this way actually only drives it deeper.
As I began to study transformational principles more deeply, I realized that trading a painful story for a more empowering, uplifting and inspiring one was a much more effective way to heal and release pain from the past.
One of my clients was a 30-year-old woman who told me an incredibly sad story from her childhood.
One day, her father rounded up the whole family, took out a gun and threatened to shoot them all, including himself.
After dragging this scenario out for hours, leaving his wife and children in agony, he eventually let them all go.
My client’s mother immediately took her and her siblings out of the home and away from this man forever.
My client would sit and sob about what a horrific, awful experience that had been for her and her family – and she was right!
It absolutely WAS a terrible situation to have occured.
The challenge was that, even though it had happened nearly 20 years ago, she still grieved the trauma like it had taken place yesterday.
She had rehearsed the story so many times that it was driving her very BEING, and she carried immense pain when it came to her father, who she hadn’t seen since that day.
We began to talk about her father, and the state of mind he must have been in to have done such a destructive and hurtful thing.
I said to her, “Any time you start to think about him in an upsetting way, try saying this to yourself…”
Nobody acts that way who isn’t carrying A LOT of pain.
The next week she came back and shared that she was feeling much, much better about what had happened. She said:
“I’m strangely feeling compassion toward this man after hating him for 20 years!”
Instead of focusing on how horrific his behavior had been, she’d shifted her mindset to how sad it was that her father’s thinking had been twisted enough to do something so terrible.
She eventually decided to write her father a letter, telling him she understood that he must have been in an immense amount of pain to do what he had done, and that she forgave him, despite carrying so much fear, pain and anger for years.
He never wrote her back, but something else happened…
The feeling of compassion and forgiveness she’d began cultivating within herself grew and grew, until she eventually found that she had no resentment or pain left toward her father at all.
Have you been hurt in the past, and you’re now ready for healing and closure?
Here are 3 steps you can follow to heal your hurt, free your heart and move forward in life!
Decide you’re going to make a change
Decide you’re going to make a change in how you choose to think and feel about the person or situation.
First, before anything else, find a quiet place, take some deep breaths and look down at the relationship or situation as if from above – at a distance.
No matter what happened or occurred that left you feeling betrayed, abandoned or offended, make a conscious choice that you’re going to begin thinking and feeling differently about the situation.
Doing this isn’t about letting the other person off the hook or letting things go right away, it’s merely a way for you to begin experiencing greater freedom around your past, so that it no longer affects you in the present.
By shifting your mindset in this way, you will begin to create an opening, even a small one, that will help to begin the healing process.
Ask yourself what you’ve gained from the experience
Napoleon Hill once said,
“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”
Every challenging situation you or I may ever face truly does have silver lining attached to it, even if we can’t see it right away.
The secret to seeing the benefit within every struggle is to shift your mindset about the challenge you perceive you’re facing.
When you think back to the relationship or situation that’s still causing you pain, open your mind and begin contemplating what you could have learned from the experience.
You can always find some good in every situation – you just have to make the choice to see it.
Wish the other person well
Wish the person well in your own mind, no matter how you feel about them!
No matter what you’re continuing to learn from the experience, send out a wave of well wishes toward that person today, regardless of how you may feel about them right now and even if you hope to never see them again.
This may feel difficult and disingenuous at first, especially if pain from the relationship, situation or experience has been with you for a very long time.
But I encourage you to repeatedly go ahead and send out that wave of good vibes, and in time you’ll be surprised that you harbor no more ill will, and that you genuinely do wish the person well.
Remember: There’s a power within you that’s far greater than any circumstance, situation or condition you’ll ever find yourself in.
No matter how profound the abuse or hardship you’ve undergone in the past, you are more powerful than that.
No matter how deep and intense the pain you may feel now, you CAN heal.
Again, forgiveness is something you can do solely on your own, and it’s not ever about the other person – it’s an act of self love that sets you free to move forward into a more expansive, joyful future.
And now, here’s a FREE gift for you!
You CAN release pain from the past, no matter how it got there or how long it’s been there.
And to help you do this, I have an exclusive gift for you – my free “Heal Your Hurt, Free Your Heart” guided audio meditation.
When you listen to this free 10-minute meditation, you will:
- Deepen your understanding of what TRUE forgiveness really is – an act of self-love – and release feelings and emotions that may be holding you back in ways that you may not even consciously be aware of.
- Connect with the incredible power within you that’s far greater than any circumstance that you’ll ever find yourself in. You CAN rise up from even the most challenging situations, just like a phoenix from the flames!
- Begin to experience forgiveness for those you feel have hurt you, so that you can free yourself up to more fully experience and savor all of the love, connection, happiness and peace of mind you desire.
Normally, you can only access this audio download inside my Power of Forgiveness meditation series. But right now, this meditation is my gift to you, absolutely FREE!