If you're debating whether or not to hyphenate your last name, considering these pros and cons may help: If you decide that hyphenating your last name is the right choice for you, here are some tips to be aware of: Some states require you to write your new hyphenated name on your marriage license application. You have to change bank accounts, credit cards, insurance policies, medical coverage, driver's licenses, loans, property, car and boat registration, identification cards, legal documents, agencies and organizations, passport, and Social Security card—among others. "Many couples with more conservative upbringings may not be keen on the idea. The ONLY time that was an issue was when traveling out of the country with our young son, who has my last name. Next, the hospital sent us two bills for his birth, one with the first half of his last name, the other with the second. Kid Complications. I also felt strongly that the tradition of taking your husband’s name was sexist—like an exchange of property. .related-article-block{display:inline-block;width:300px;padding:0.5rem;margin-left:0.5rem;float:right;border:1px solid #ccc}@media (max-width: 525px){.related-article-block{float:none;display:block;width:280px;margin:0 auto 2rem}} Logistically, changing their names took just two visits to the county courthouse and $115 each. If you decide that changing your last name isn’t for you, you still have the option of hyphenating your maiden name with your husband’s surname. The only decision is which surname sounds better before the hyphen and which should come after. They can be lengthy: Make sure you consider how long your name will be when joined together via a hyphen. But with a week to spare (and no closer to finding an alternative), we grudgingly decided to hyphenate. The biggest advantage of hyphenated last names is the absence of having to choose between two last names. How Much Does it Cost to Change Your Name? Update your name change on all legal documents. Instead of hyphenating our last names, we decided to use one last name as a middle name (i.e. It was her birth name and she adored it. At a pre-K orientation, when other parents began talking about all the paperwork public school required, I had an “aha!” moment. For questions regarding your new last name, make sure to inquire with airlines and cruise ships, the marriage bureau, TSA, and U.S. Immigration before you depart. The cons of not changing your name could be confusion with any children's last names and hassle with hyphenated names, etc. You may choose to hyphenate your name no matter which gender you identify with or whom you are marrying, as no law or rule prevents you from doing so. When there were no male heirs to the estate in the bride's line, the name could be used by the husband, usually done if he was from a family less well-off than the bride's family. When we’d gotten married several years earlier, I opted not to change my name. There is a general rule, however: the younger the child is, the more likely the last name will be that of the father’s. Hyphenating last name after marriage: the pros and cons The legal formalities regarding the change of name after marriage have certainly changed over the years. We spent months debating what our kids’ new, single last name would be. A common name makes you more easily recognizable as one family. We also didn’t really want to hyphenate, as we’d heard from friends with hyphenated names that dealing with a hyphen was a real pain. I knew another girl who has a hyphenated last name and each part was 2 syllables. Photo: istock . I hyphenated my kid's last name—four years later, I changed my mind. When my husband and I found out we were expecting our first baby, we immediately started a list of potential names. Parents invented over 1,000 new baby names in 2017. Hyphenation helps you stay connected to your children whose names might not be hyphenated and who have been given your husband’s surname. The cons of the hyphenated last name include what might wind up being a very long last name for the child. pros/cons of two last names...? But finally we settled on squishing together the first half of my last name and the second half of my husband’s last name. For example, if your last name is Smith and the mother’s last name is Brown, a judge could change your child’s name to Smith-Brown. Marriage Certificates and Licenses: Everything You Need to Know. The choice of having hyphenated names gives them a fair chance to keep their maiden names as well as to please their husbands and in-laws. Pros: One way to get around hyphens yet honor both parents is to create a new name from both parents' last names. it gets exhausting after a while. Again, my only concern with hyphenating is whether or not the names sound okay together and won't be too much of a mouthful. but even once/if we do get married, i will not give up my last name. Pros: ... hyphenating his … share. But think of it this way: hyphenating both partners' last names can be incredibly meaningful for a woman whose traditional family has no sons to carry on their last name.". Cons. plus, people are always … Also, the likelihood of the child one day passing along her full last name is not strong as it will become more complicated when combined with another name if she chooses to do that as a parent. About a week later, the trouble started. Keep your surname. Having the same last name throughout your family unit makes things simpler, especially once you have children. What are the pros and cons of hyphenated names? This is especially true if the child hasn’t started school yet. Why my two children have different last names, I changed my name for the sake of my kids—and I regret it, Whoa! Pros: .related-article-block{display:inline-block;width:300px;padding:0.5rem;margin-left:0.5rem;float:right;border:1px solid #ccc}@media (max-width: 525px){.related-article-block{float:none;display:block;width:280px;margin:0 auto 2rem}} Con they have a long last name,their last name is different than their parents ... Why my two children have different last names The new name felt both fresh and grounded in their history. After We're Married, Can My Husband Take My Last Name? Speaking of units, a shared last name can help create a sense of family identity, should you decide to have children. We knew we still might have some issues due to the fact that neither of us would share their name (we still each liked our names), but we figured that since they had the same last name, one that was clearly derivative of both our last names, they’d feel connected and it would be clear to outsiders that we were a family. Michelle M. Winner is a luxury lifestyle writer and an ordained non-denominational minister. What Happens If Someone Objects at a Wedding? Valerie Freeman is the founder of Betty Lu Paperie and a member of The Cultivated Creative and Stationer's Summit. Again, we hyphenated and encountered all the same issues we’d had with my first-born. So one child has … Judges have done so in the past because the hyphenated name becomes a symbolic reminder to the child of his or her relationship with both the father and mother. A hyphenated last name is when you and your spouse combine both of your last names with a hyphen. The question has come up a time or two about last names, namely if they should keep their last names, or if we should give them ours, or perhaps a hyphenated name. I still didn’t want to give them just one of our last names, but the unconventional idea of making up a new name suddenly didn’t seem so weird. Having one family name can band a family together. If they … We didn’t hyphenate, my wife kept her last name. In Victorian times, the hyphenated, or what is also called the double-barreled surname, became more popular and gradually the practice has moved from upper-crust Brits to anyone. How to Get a Marriage License in New York City, Tips for Filing Your Taxes as a Married Couple, Everything You Need to Know About Traveling and a Name Change. Making big decisions is an essential part of wedding planning, from picking your flowers to finalizing your guest list. From our initial conversation, we knew we didn’t want him to only have one of our names. save. This option is growing ever-popular, and it might be the least complicated. (For example, the Helling-Coleman brothers become the Hellman brothers.). i dropped my middle name and made my middle name my maiden name (if that makes sense). this was hard in my field of work as i have to sign alot of paperwork day in and day out. If your children are using your new name, check-in with their school teachers, dentist and doctor's offices, etc. It’s not common to give a hyphenated last name to your children which means you’d likely have a different last name than your children. In many states, when you fill out your application for your marriage license, you’ll be writing your intended married name on that application. What Is Name Blending, and Why Are Couples Doing It? Hence the most important reason to consider hyphenation is your identity. i want to have the same last name of my baby, or at least my baby to have half of their last name be mine. Pros: The hyphenated surname lets you share your family name with your spouse and is a popular option for couples who want their children to have both last names. If you’re on the fence about changing your last name—you’re in good company! How to Change Your Name After Your Wedding. They commemorated the combining of family fortunes and affiliations by marriage. We wanted something unique but not weird, something that rolled off our tongues easily. In my opinion, the pros of changing your name to your fiance's far outweigh the cons. Now, when people realize my kids have a different last name than my husband and I, the most frequent question we get is “What will your sons do when they get married and have kids?” To that I respond, “We trust they’ll figure it out, at least by the second try, just like we did.”, Read more: Hyphenated names: the pros Most women choose to change their last names after marriage because they are compromising for the sake of their husbands and new families. Hyphenate your name, or both of you can hyphenate your names. She has performed hundreds of weddings and is licensed in all 50 states. report. Three years later, when our second son came along, we moaned and groaned in anticipation of another hyphenated name. Whoa! If you are leaving for a honeymoon, the name on your ticket must match your current identification and/or passport. Thanks! COVID-19 Update: Due to high demand, NewlyNamed Boxes may take up to two business days to ship. In Britain, hyphenated double surnames were historically passed down to heirs. Deciding to keep or change your last name—and the time to think about your surname is well before the ceremony. Yikes. Explaining the change to others was more of a challenge—we definitely ruffled some feathers. In most states, the cost isn't more than a few hundred dollars, but that amount could be prohibitive for some people. She completed Design House Prep School's Wedding Etiquette study and has seven years of experience as a wedding stationer. Take your spouse’s last name or move your last name to use as your middle name and add your spouse’s name.Â. Just as we’d been warned, the hyphen was a real pain. When I brought this up to my husband, he agreed without a moment’s hesitation. February 14, 2019. If you have children, which name will they use as a last name? With our baby’s impending due date, we were stuck on whose last name he would carry. It wasn’t until a friend who wanted to get a blanket embroidered asked what my baby’s monogram would be that I realized we still had something major to decide: his last name. This application becomes the legal marriage document after the wedding. This is also called a double surname. When I reflect on changing my sons’ names, I’m glad we did it. You can do some of the changes before the wedding, but many require a certified copy of your recorded marriage license which you’ll only have after the wedding. Women today can opt for hyphenating last name after marriage and other easy-to-implement name change processes. Does the child get the last name of the father or of the mother? to make sure everyone has the names correctly noted in their files. John Smith Jones); however, on our second child, the two names (middle and last) were registered under the last name only. It took us a couple of years to feel comfortable being so unconventional, but like most things related to parenting, confidence takes time. 1. (It seemed unfair to erase half of his history just because we wanted things to be simple.) We tossed around the idea of making up a new name, but that seemed too unconventional. By Julia Pelly February 14, 2019. Another issue in many cases is deciding what the last name is going to be for the minor child. 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